Priorities...online style...

I have held on to my faith for many years…but it was after that last relationship that I decided to go at this whole dating thing differently. I decided to put my faith first, then my kids, then me. If there is another person out there for me…God will bring them to me…so I signed up again to match.com and put my whole self out there. My faith, my beliefs, and what I was really looking for.

My priorities were: divorced, widowed, or single (no separated!), fun, taller than me, secure in his faith…not just a Christian…but one who wanted to better himself and others because of his faith. This last one was my dream. I don’t think there is anyone out there that is like that…but it’s the ultimate goal. I want the fairy tale, Christian style!

I title my profile: Make me laugh…I believe humor is very important! If you can’t laugh everyday…what’s the point in getting out of bed? I got an email from this guy:
(paraphrased) So how is this online dating thing going for you? I’ve not had much luck…must be something about a 37 year old programmer living in his parents basement that turns girls off…what do you think?

Hysterical! I immediately thought of that Brad Paisley song: Online…about George from Seinfeld living with his parents, his mom fixing him a snack after work, and how much better looking he is online…so funny! If you've not seen the video...it's a great laugh!
I looked at his profile…dangit..separated…too bad! So I emailed back that he’s funny…but what is up with the separated part? He emails me back that his wife decided to change her “lifestyle” after 17 years of marriage…well, ok…that’s a little different…maybe we can chat…besides…he’s funny!

So we chat for a couple of weeks. I found out he has a daughter that is 11, he’s a computer programmer and in charge of the research and development team at a software company (whatever that is!) and likes to play chess…hmmm…not looking so good…we have nothing in common! But he does go to church, and admits that his faith is in process. I remember telling my friend Leslie about him…it won’t work out..he plays chess for crying out loud! And computer games…good grief.

Make Me Laugh: Life changing moments...

Well, “out there” ended up being online dating…I know I know…but it’s the NEW thing! Against all advice from friends…and especially my mother…I signed up with Match.com AND yahoo personals. I figured double accounts…I had a better chance of finding Mr. Right! It’s really about statistics…really…

Wow there’s some desperate people out there! Definitely some “one-night-stand” kinda guys…not me! I’m not into that…So door number 1 opened…out came, we’ll call him “John.” John is Jewish…this should be interesting. We met at a restaurant. He’s recently separated…has a son that is about 18 months old. This is nice…he seems nice…we order…I order something like a pork chop…he orders some fish thing (it’s an oriental restaurant)…I ask if he wants a bite of my dish…he says “uh..no…I don’t eat pork…” DUH! He’s Jewish…this is going to be harder than I thought….
Ok, so I won’t bore you with the two years of ME struggling to find Mr. Right. Notice I said “ME…” It is all about me. Oh I’m going to church, I’m in a small group, I’m praying and journaling, hoping to find my next life partner…but it’s about what I want…on my timing.

I had the opportunity to go on two mission trips to Nicaragua during my singlehood. I loved it! The first one was in March of 2006. I raised the money to go and boarded the plane, xanax in hand (I don't fly well!) to an unknown place. It was life changing! I fell in love with the people there. We began building the homes, but the families couldn't move in to their new homes until all the homes were built. Basically they had to wait unitl September to move in. While there I connected with lots of kids, one in particular, named Cheri. She was so cute! She like wearing my sunglasses. We set up a table with finger nail polish and painted all the little girls' fingernails. I met lots of kids wanting to learn english. They would show me their grade reports and were sooooo proud! In September of the same year, I got a phone call from the Project H.O.P.E. office (the group I traveled with). A gentlman at another church paid for his upcoming mission trip but was unable to go at the last minute. I was offered the chance to go for FREE! I got permission from my preschool boss and was on my way! I was soooo excited to get to see my friends again! However, this time, I couldn't help but wonder why I was chosen to go. I was very aware of everyone around me…wondering who I will meet next…I always felt like I was looking…is it him? Or what about him? So he doesn’t speak English…that’s ok! Ok this is crazy…enjoy your trip and quit it! This trip we went to an orphanage. I fell in love with this little boy named Christian! He was about 9 months old and was abandoned by his parents after his birth because they thought he had hydrocephalus. But upon inspection by the orphanage doctor, he was perfectly healthy. I wanted to take him home with me! To this day, laying him back in that bug-ridden crib and walking away was the hardest thing I've EVER had to do.

After I got back from my first trip to Nicaragua, I began a relationship that I’m not proud of. We’ll call him “Tim.” We met online, of course. From the beginning it was great! He was nice and respectful. He had a motorcycle…went to church…wanted a family…but then we went to eat at a Chinese restaurant one night and the lady in the drive through window was of Chinese descent, which she naturally didn’t speak very good English, and he just sort of lost it…I mean vulgarities! Racist comments…RED FLAG! I should’ve left…but stupid me didn’t…I ignored it. More and more of these things happened and I began to see a temper pattern…my son even noticed it…he didn’t like “Tim.” So when he began to question my devotion to my faith one night I finally ended it. And it didn’t go smoothly…It’s the first time I’ve ever dated anyone that I was afraid of…and that’s just wrong. I hid the things he said to me…I made excuses for his anger…I was that woman…that woman that I always said I would never be…that woman that I couldn’t ever understand why she stayed…

Ironically, it has been that relationship that has caused more emotional baggage in life…that I’ve had to overcome with great difficulty..not him, but the way I was treated, the fact that I let myself be with someone like that…that I let my kids be around someone like that. One of my most unproud moments as a parent...

Make Me Laugh: A new beginning

So changing gears from my son to my husband…This blog is entitled: Make me laugh…because he did! As many of you know I met my husband online at match.com. So this article is about how we met…which, if you remember from one of my Simon articles, I mentioned why we chose the names: Simon Matthew; God is listening, and gift from God (respectively).

I had a pretty good life…I was married to a man I met while I was in high school (he was 7 years old than me), had two kids, graduated from college, and found a job that I loved. The only problem was, my husband apparently wasn’t so happy. We divorced after 9 years of marriage…leaving me 28 years old…and a single mom…old…in my book. I spent my 20’s paying a mortgage, two car payments, day care payments and student loans, working various jobs (retail, McDonalds, a bank teller, preschool teacher). I thought I was happy. I wanted the fairy tale…like most of us girls do…and thought a marriage proposal would get me that. I thought…well…I’m married…I can now be happy! Boy was I wrong! Marriage was hard! Responsibility was hard! I would show up at class in college and while most students didn’t have their work completed because they were partying, I not only had mine completed, but had my husbands clothes ironed, the bills paid and was up all night with a fussy baby!

Needless to say my degree was one of my proudest moments. Everyone said that once I got married I wouldn’t finish…so I HAD to…to prove them wrong! My dad was the main one that said “YOU’RE GOING TO COLLEGE!” He said that I needed to have a back-up plan, a way to support myself if I ever needed to…hmmm…interesting…

So my world came to screeching halt in September of 2005. I now found myself not only having to make a house payment, utilities, and daycare on my own…I needed to find an attorney. Man…I should’ve been a lawyer! These guys are loaded…and arrogant! Geesh! (sorry if there are any attorneys reading this… J) It took about 8 months for the whole process to be final…we argued over everything…child support, alimony, whose fault it was…but one thing was for sure…probably another proud moment in my life…I handled my divorce with dignity. I wanted to do it right. I struggled with how God felt about divorce and if I had done everything I could to make it work. In the end it wasn’t up to me. I filed, but he ended it, he moved on WAY before it was final. I was faithful to that man until the papers were signed by the judge and filed. May 17…the day my divorce went on record! I’m free! So…now what? How on earth do I meet people? Let’s see…I was 16 the last time I was single. I was thin, cute, young, with my whole world ahead of me. Now I’m OLD, saggy, with baggage. I now work at a preschool…with all women…I don’t want to end up alone…but I don’t know any men…so I need to get out there! And I don’t just want any man…I want THE man! My soul mate…the one I was made for. A Godly man…