Wow there’s some desperate people out there! Definitely some “one-night-stand” kinda guys…not me! I’m not into that…So door number 1 opened…out came, we’ll call him “John.” John is Jewish…this should be interesting. We met at a restaurant. He’s recently separated…has a son that is about 18 months old. This is nice…he seems nice…we order…I order something like a pork chop…he orders some fish thing (it’s an oriental restaurant)…I ask if he wants a bite of my dish…he says “uh..no…I don’t eat pork…” DUH! He’s Jewish…this is going to be harder than I thought….
Ok, so I won’t bore you with the two years of ME struggling to find Mr. Right. Notice I said “ME…” It is all about me. Oh I’m going to church, I’m in a small group, I’m praying and journaling, hoping to find my next life partner…but it’s about what I want…on my timing.
I had the opportunity to go on two mission trips to Nicaragua during my singlehood.
I loved it! The first one was in March of 2006. I raised the money to go and boarded the plane, xanax in hand (I don't fly well!) to an unknown place. It was life changing! I fell in love with the people there. We began building the homes, but the families couldn't move in to their new homes until all the homes were built. Basically they had to wait unitl September to move in. While there I connected with lots of kids, one in particular, named Cheri. She was so cute! She like wearing my sunglasses. We set up a table with finger nail polish and painted all the little girls' fingernails. I met lots of kids wanting to learn english. They would show me their grade reports and were sooooo proud! In September of the same year, I got a phone call from the Project H.O.P.E. office (the group I traveled with). A gentlman at another church paid for his upcoming mission trip but was unable to go at the last minute. I was offered the chance to go for FREE! I got permission from my preschool boss and was on my way! I was soooo excited to get to see my friends again! However, this time, I couldn't help but wonder why I was chosen to go. I was very aware of everyone around me…wondering who I will meet next…I always felt like I was looking…is it him? Or what about him? So he doesn’t speak English…that’s ok! Ok this is crazy…enjoy your trip and quit it! This trip we went 
to an orphanage. I fell in love with this little boy named Christian! He was about 9 months old and was abandoned by his parents after his birth because they thought he had hydrocephalus. But upon inspection by the orphanage doctor, he was perfectly healthy. I wanted to take him home with me! To this day, laying him back in that bug-ridden crib and walking away was the hardest thing I've EVER had to do. After I got back from my first trip to Nicaragua, I began a relationship that I’m not proud of. We’ll call him “Tim.” We met online, of course. From the beginning it was great! He was nice and respectful. He had a motorcycle…went to church…wanted a family…but then we went to eat at a Chinese restaurant one night and the lady in the drive through window was of Chinese descent, which she naturally didn’t speak very good English, and he just sort of lost it…I mean vulgarities! Racist comments…RED FLAG! I should’ve left…but stupid me didn’t…I ignored it. More and more of these things happened and I began to see a temper pattern…my son even noticed it…he didn’t like “Tim.” So when he began to question my devotion to my faith one night I finally ended it. And it didn’t go smoothly…It’s the first time I’ve ever dated anyone that I was afraid of…and that’s just wrong. I hid the things he said to me…I made excuses for his anger…I was that woman…that woman that I always said I would never be…that woman that I couldn’t ever understand why she stayed…
Ironically, it has been that relationship that has caused more emotional baggage in life…that I’ve had to overcome with great difficulty..not him, but the way I was treated, the fact that I let myself be with someone like that…that I let my kids be around someone like that. One of my most unproud moments as a parent...
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